Sit and Wonder

Here I sit and wonder

What if I could change it all?

Go in the past to a fancy Ball

Would I do more?

Come out at 15 and walk out the door

Would I be me or fade away?

 Life’s experiences that make us this way

What if I chose to kiss him?

I regret that I dismissed him

Here I sit and wonder

The lonely years, the happy years

The laughter, The tears

Is this from where parallel universes come?

All our choices

Chosen different, Better

Here I sit and wonder

Are we the sum of our choices or is there something else?

This certainly can not be all

Might one be gay and masculine?

To begin with, I have known that I am gay since I was younger than 18. I had to hide it from religious leaders and my family. When I came out, I was told that it is a phase, you are just eccentric or some other excuse to not accept the truth. “Omg, so familiar with this cliché,” you say.

Here is the difference, I did not conform to social programming that gay equals effeminate. I still like working on cars, fixing things around the house and other “masculine” things.

In these times it is familiar to see gay men  in the media as the archetype of gay men everywhere. However, in reality these are nothing more than stereotypes forced upon the young. It is more acceptable for a gay man to have a soft voice, outrageous hand movements and a crass attitude. It is not acceptable for a gay man to have a hard voice, subtle hand movements and a polite attitude.

A scenario: Two men, one masculine and one effeminate, walk into a gay bar. They are both drinking and talking to guys. The effeminate guy is insulted, then assaulted. He fights back and the assaulter is removed from the bar. The masculine guy is insulted, then assaulted. He fights back and he is removed from the bar.

To some the scenario may seem ridiculous. It does happen but you will not know about it. It is not reported in the media, that would show the discrimination still existing in the gay community.

As for myself, I would rather be masculine than be forced by social stereotypes to conform to something that is not me.

If this has helped anyone, please post a comment. If you disagree with my opinions, please post a comment. The only way to understand is to have an open expression of ideas and opinions.